The problem with watching too many films and not reading too many books is that you lose sight of being introspective that you rely on the visual for release.

At least, that's what happens to me.

That's why for 2011, I shall revive the ol' habit of writing. Not for anyone, not for anything, just for me.

Hello, lj. We meet again.

Putek namiss ko lj. 

BIGTIME MEHN.

Fine, goal ko ay mag-blog bago ako mamatay nitong first sem. Korek.



Work mode tonight.

 I have this unconscious tendency to push the people I care about the most back during the times when I really need them to stay close to me. It gets frustrating :(

"You had to learn to see man as a weak, selfish, and cowardly creature; you also had to realize how many of these evil traits and impulses you shared yourself; and nevertheless you allowed yourself to believe, and nourished your soul on the faith, that man is also spirit and love, that something dwells in him which is at variance with his instincts and longs to refine them." - Hermann Hesse

Minsan ang daling sumuko no? Pero siguro dito rin nasusubok ang kakayanan natin bilang tao. Makes you feel much much human. Lahat to self-constructive, not self-destructive. I will survive. Lahat na. Hahaha.

Rule #1. Bawal magpaapekto. Makinig sa mga sabi sabi, pero maging kritikal. Alamnin kung paano isatabi ang emosyon at kung kailan gamitin ang pag-iisip. Walang patutunguhan ang pag-iyak at pagkulong sa banyo, sapagkat ang bawat oras ay ginto. 

Rule #2. Speak up, don't be MEEK. Which sadly rhymes with weak, and we don't want that. You are strong. You are here for a reason. Know that you are fully capable, and that you have control over your life. Wag iliban ang mga desisyon sa bagay bagay sa iba. Hindi ka tanga (or may moments nga na oo, pero wag muna isipin ito), kaya't isipin na ikaw ang may kontrol. Siguraduhing nararamdaman din ito ng iba. Kahit hindi mo maramdaman na ikaw ang may konrol sa buhay mo, just make sure it doesn't look that way. Speak up, speak up, speak up. Hindi lang din sa klase, kundi na rin sa lahat ng bagay. 

Rule #3. FOCUS. You know the goal, you know what to do. Make sure you know what you're getting yourself into and you will not regret every blood sweat and tears, every sleepless night, every un-highlighted reading, every dinner missed, every missed episodes of Nat Geo specials, every inuman sessions, every chance to have a nice talk with friends, EVERYTHING that comes with this endeavor. Marami itong sacrifices kaya siguraduhin na sakto ang tradeoff. Ayusin ang buhay, wag patapon.

Rule #4. Wag pabayaan ang acads. Seryoso. Puro majors ka pa naman at may 110 pa. Gamitin ang ginintuang oras sa lib at sa pagbabasa. Isiping mabuti ang mga prayoridad at wag kalimutang tuunin nito ng pansin. The next few weeks will be one hell of a ride, so just be ready. Kahit di man makaabot sa us/cs list, keri lang basta desente ang mga outputs. Just try to be consistent.

Rule #5. Don't forget to breathe. Self explanatory.

I love our socio 125. I really do. Even though most of the time I uncontrollably drowsy in the middle of Sir Lanuza's rousing lectures, even though my orgmates and I dare cut it at times, and even though I hardly participate in the class discussions, it is one class which I think changes the way I live my life in terms of religious beliefs. I'm no religious person but I'd like to think that there's something much larger than the self that binds us together within society. Hindi naman sa agnostic ako dahil alam kong may Diyos, kahit anong form man ang makuha nito. Hindi rin ako atheist dahil isa akong believer kahit hindi ako very vocal or apparent about it. The thing is... I don't consider myself purely Christian because there are some aspects of Christianity which I question. Ewan. Magulo pa paniniwala ko, pero masaya ako na may ganitong pag-aaral para at least ma-expose ako sa mga ganitong teorya. 

Today's lecture was exceptionally moving. We discussed William James and this will to believe theory. Sabi niya, nasa satin ang choice para maniwala, hindi maniwala, o maghintay bago maniwala. We are naturally passional, so pure logic will not dictate one's beliefs. Unlike rational choice theorists who delay decision-making by first considering the costs and benefits of all options, James forwarded the idea of choosing a decision and acting on it and LIVING on it, despite the what-ifs. Ganito rin daw mga revolutionary, mga aktibista. Sugod lang ng sugod kahit hindi mo alam ang mangyayari basta's pumili ka ng gagawin mo at gagawin mo lahat ng kakayanin mo para sa desisyon na iyon. We do not need evidence, as long as it allows us to live, and we live better with it.

Again, this whole idea struck me like a lightning rod. Ang galing kasi e. It puts us humans in the position to determine our fate, given such choices. We first are made to ACT so that finally faith kicks. Importante rito ang paggawa dahil it is only then that we can finally realize that yes, I have been fulfilled by the mere act of choosing to act. We are the only ones who can make things happen; and once it does you hold on to your faith to be able to live. Kahit wrong move man yan or dead end, ang importante nakagalaw ka at may naratingan ka.

Being the geek that I am, here I quote from James' essay:

"We stand on a mountain pass in the midst of a whirling snow and blinding mist through which we get glimpses now and then of paths which may be deceptive. If we stand still we shall be frozen to death. If we take the wrong road we shall be dashed to pieces. We do not certainly know whether there is any right one. What must we do? 'Be strong and of a good courage.' Act for the best, hope for the best, and take what comes.... If death ends all, we cannot meet death better." [Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, p. 353, second edition. London, 1874]



Wow. This is the kind of philosophy I should stuff in my mind for the next couple of weeks. Act for the best, hope for the best, and take whatever comes. Kung hindi man tama ang decision na 'to, at least alam ko na may purpose ang ginagawa ko. 

1. We see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe.
-Ultimate realization this year which I learned the HARD way. Pfft.

2. Everything is just better when taken slowly.
-Parang slowfire lang yan e. The more time you spend on it, the better it’ll turn out. And this is applicable not just with mom’s stews. haha.

3. You cannot have it all.
-Walang superwoman, ika nga ni rea. I should put this phrase on repeat on my head, especially for the year ahead.

4. Kung meron, may paraan. Kung wala, may dahilan.

5. Masarap nga talaga ang mga bawal. Hahahaha.

6. Mind over matter works, especially if you take short naps.

7. Sadyang may mga tao lang talaga na mas maganda, mas matalino, mas mabait, mas LAHAT sa’yo. Pero keri lang. :3

8. Hardcore drinking the night before a morning flight is not advisable.

9. Nothing beats family.

10. But there also ain’t nothing like friends.

11. There’s a time for everything.

12. Kailangan panindigan ang mga desisyon sa bagay bagay.

13. Happiness can be found in the most mundane things if you look hard enough– be it listening to your favorite song while on the jeep ride going home after a hard day’s work, or laughing your ass off over a sabaw joke in the tambayan.

14. I’m getting old. I really am.

15. Still, high school never ends.

16. Mapaglaro ang tadhana. Hahaha.

17. Be careful what you wish for ’cause you just might get it.

18. Putting eyeliner can do wonders on a bad bad day.
-Wow ang emo ng dating. HAHA.

19. Eating a meal at 2 in the morning isn’t always a bad thing!

20. There is ALWAYS something to be thankful for:)


Here's to a fookin awesome year ahead! 2010, I SHALL OWN YOU! 

 


I'm a huge fan of the androgynous look. Blame it on the fact that a) I'm no girly-girl, and b) that I find mixing the feminine with the masculine very sexy. Anyway, I was looking through a film blog about the 70s, and I came across the a review of the seminal Woody Allen movie, Annie Hall, starring none other than the radiant Diane Keaton. There were pictures of her sporting men's clothing (worn in a very feminine manner) that just drew me like moth to the fire. It's phenomenal, the way she wore the clothing with much aplomb. I read the short review, and immediately told myself I'll download a torrent as soon as I can. Apart from the genius neuroticism of Allen, of course, it was Keaton's fashion that thoroughly convinced me. The pants, necktie, black vest, the sexy, no-nonsense hair, the strong personality... how she pulls it off is something I'd love to know. 

If only I can pull something like that off. If Kate Moss can, I only wish I could. Hahaha. Check out the awesome interpretation:




LIKE LIKE LIKE! Hail Diane Keaton and androgyny! :)